Tuesday, October 21, 2008

With a little over 2 months to go it's time for some introductions....

By Murph

There's a little over 2 months to go, and I’m ready NOW. After sending an email 6 months ago to my bestest friends, I ended up with a strong list of people that took me up on my invite. I just wanted to send out a little note about each of the confirmed guests. Hopefully this gets the 5-6 people that are uncommitted OFF the fence and ON a plane in a couple months.

I’ll also be posting more info on the trip itself (address/pics of the places, car stuff, possibilities for New Year’s, other possibilities for drunk bus/boat outings, room “assignments”, and private island touring/partying, etc) over the next few weeks. I’m thinking we may want to try to get as many people together some night in Boston ahead of time if possible, let me work on that.

Also, PLEASE don’t ask me if I have a “facebook” page. First of all, the site would be crippled by the amount of female requests to be my “friend” (I don’t want that hanging over my head, and I’d hate to ruin any “facebookers” day). Secondly, I’ll call you if I need to talk to you. Now that that’s cleared up, here’s a little tidbit on each of the current cast of characters heading south for New Year’s (in order of commital):

Brian LaPierre
One Liner: A friend from St. A’s who currently resides in Tampa, FL (f&ck your Devil Rays, and yes, I said “DEVIL” Rays).
Scary Thought: Laps will be “leaving” a 2 month old (his first child) at home with his LOVELY wife Sara while he joins us in Hawaii. Wow. Does this scare me? Yes. Couple that with the fact that he was the FIRST to commit…..we may have a “Man on a mission” here. He will most likely be seen double-fisting…some sort of drink that is.
Little Known Fact: Laps “claims” he’s under 7 feet tall, but he’s actually 7 foot even. Possibly his ONLY quality as a human being is his ability to see over large crowds with ease, should come in handy down there.

Ben June
One Liner: Met him through a friend at St. A’s. June currently resides in Medford, MA. Good friend of mine that has more stories about me than I’m comfortable with.
Scary Thought: Anybody unlucky enough to be acquainted with June knows that he himself is a “scary thought”. He forced me to wear a foolish velour sweatsuit at the Wynn Casino in Vegas a few weeks back. I can't believe I gave in to the peer pressure (and I'll take that $140 for the suit...whenever you get the chance). He will most likely be seen working exotic looking Hawaiian chicks, busting out horrible dance moves, and eating whatever is available late night.
Little Known Fact: I won some money on a bet I made with a friend during our annual spring training trip this year involving: Which will be greater at the end of the MLB regular season: Johan Santana’s ERA X 100 (look it up) or June’s Weight (??)?. Let’s just say it wasn’t even close.

John Airasian
One Liner: Another friend I met at St. A’s. You may have seen him on his business’s (Eastern Clothing) commercials making a fool of himself (dude, STOP reading off a placard!)
Scary Thought: Don’t know where to start here. Over the years we’ve done some “stuff” together. I’ve broken into female’s apartments with him to….grab DVDs (he wanted “Sister Act” while I wanted “Uncle Buck”), and grab whatever booze was visible. And together we’ve ruined some people’s nights at Fenway Park, as well as pathetically posed as lawyers while wearing Eastern Clothing suits to do certain things….Potential disaster in Hawaii. He will most likely be seen talking to himself, dancing with large inflatable phallic symbols, or causing a Hurricane warning to be called for the North Shore while we're down there.
Little Known Fact: RECENTLY lost a fight with an Elliptical machine in his basement (with a little help from the treadmill), it’s true, I saw it. He hates Pearl Jam.

Jackie Airasian
One Liner: Italian, but wants to be Armenian. BU grad, who made the mistake of marrying Johnny, they currently reside together in Watertown, MA.
Scary Thought: If she gets tangled up in some Stoli Vanilla, look out. This is a wild card situation that’s going to be interesting to watch unfold. The North Shore will surely be on watch. She will most likely be seen trying to deal with her husband’s antics, as well as inventing new hard booze drinks on the fly. Can't wait to taste some of those strange concoctions...
Little Known Fact: Likes to be hit with a hose (insert joke here), and enjoys “two-fers” north of the border. You can’t make those up.

Jamie Cook
One Liner: I've known her the better part of 7 years now, she works at Intel (does that make her a “work friend”?) and was the first person I met at work that wasn’t a male electrical engineer. A good poker player, fantastic at video games, and a great friend...but a HORRIBLE lottery player.
Scary Thought: Jamie has had the “privilege” of seeing me teeter on the edge of professionalism and idiocy for years now. I consider what she knows to be both scary and dangerous. She will most likely be seen hanging at the beach being “queensy” in very large sunglasses with drink in hand, or running the show at a bar by either owning the dance floor or busting out some profesh-style karaoke.
Little Known Fact: Maiden Name = Szafarowicz, Ebay “handle” = “szaftime”. Wow. Possibly best known for her incredible knowledge of when certain wines will be “released” by their vineyards, as well as her love for the libation.

Mike Cook
One Liner: Indiana University grad still waiting for Bob Knight to walk back through that door, and the calendar to roll back to the mid-70’s/80’s when the hoops team was actually respectable. Also, unfortunate to him, he’s married to Jamie. They currently reside in Oak-ham, MA.
Scary Thought: Both time tested, and proven on several occasions, the coupling of Mike and KJ can become, not sure what to use for a word here, harsh? Cross your fingers on this one. He will most likely be seen scheming drunken antics, and wreaking havoc late night.
Little Known Fact: Mike’s a dork (you wouldn’t guess this when first meeting him, trust me). He has an MBA from Stern (NYU), and currently does something important for EMC. He is also known for his excellent relay baton passing skills, drunken shotputting (I’m calling for a rematch, late night, Jan. 2nd, 2009), and the formation of the “5-borough bar crawl” (that was a LONG night).

KJ Cardinal
One Liner: Author of this blog site, entrepreneur of sorts, check out packnetwork.com or kjcardinal.com. A friend of mine that currently resides in Hudson, MA. FACT: I’m much better than him at golf.
Scary Thought: KJ and his LOVELY wife Ang (god bless you Ang, we’ll miss you down there!) had a baby girl a little over a year ago (my girl “Anna”). Let’s just say a little over a year ago a little streaming video site titled “Trench Cam: Anna Begins” almost got off the ground, and I was one of the first to sign up for the site, but never had the “pleasure” of seeing it come to fruition due to technical difficulties (power supplies in the delivery room) and MORAL difficulties….KJ, WHERE is my $29.95? He will most likely be heard screaming “PLAY MORE STEVEN MILLER” at random cover bands, and pounding bud lights and jello shots by the dozen.
Little Known Fact: Ask him what “KJ” stands for, and prepare to laugh. He also enjoys dining at the Y….MCA in Westborough, MA.

Jon Mellen
One Liner: Friend from St. A’s. Currently resides between the outskirts of Portland, OR and Somerville, MA. Mellen’s a dork who I OWNED in every math class we ever had together, I mean I studied much harder than you for four years, right?
Scary Thought: Mellen has an ability to pound any sort of beverage, and is known for serially shotgunning Foster’s Oil Cans while drinking Maker’s Mark to wash it down. My liver was hoping he wouldn’t make the trip, but you can’t win them all. He will most likely be seen behind a wall of 30+ miller lite cans, and hopefully with his shirt ON.
Little Known Fact: Born and raised in Bismarck, North Dakota. Yes, you read that right. He is also known for throwing shoes at females who practice BDR (Blatant DisRespect) while visiting his place of residency. Also co-creator (with your’s truly) of the “headless horseman” shot/depth-charge. FACT: He WILL be the hairiest man in Oahu that week.

Abby Hangsleben
One Liner: Intel employee who currently resides outside of Portland, OR. Mellen’s better halve, and MUCH better looking.
Scary Thought: The fact that she spends time with Mellen means she can hold her own when it comes to alcoholic beverages. She also has family in Las Vegas. Bottom line: she can rip it up. She will most likely be seen bringing her “A Game” to a beachside bar for 10+ hours, or doing tequila shots with me at the bar.
Little Known Fact: ALSO originally from North Dakota: how da f&ck did you guys meet in Oregon? Abby once lost a sizable Credit Card Roulette situation in the North End; the wine, beers, and Lobster Ravioli were fantastic, thanks!

STRONG PROBABLES: (only two I’m pretty sure on, there are a few others “trying to work it out”…you know who you are, and I’m hoping for the best, but I don’t want to jinx it..):

Randy Savage
One Liner: Met him through a friend at St. A’s. Savage currently resides in Melrose, MA. Just simply writing his name on the line above made me laugh, AND sick to my stomach with the thought of him showing.
Scary Thought: UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES, IF Randy STOPS BEING A PUZZY AND SHOWS UP IN HAWAII, SHOULD ANYBODY ASK TIM FOR A STICK OF “BUBBLE GUM” AT ANY POINT IN TIME, I DON’T CARE HOW BAD YOUR BREATH IS. You may have to seek professional help if you do, and since I warned you, in print, I can’t be sued to cover that cost. He will most likely be seen boozing, plain and simple.
Little Known Fact: Savage's dad is actually cooler than he is…also, in the old days, he was known to lose his CAR every now and then….hmmm….he is also one of the LEAST respected members of Bellevue Golf Club in Melrose, MA.

Miss Elisabeth
One Liner: Made one of the biggest mistakes of 2008, married Randy. You better come down and celebrate New Year’s with us, and then hopefully 2009 turns out better for you Michelle!
Scary Thought: I’m thinking that, while on vacation, Randy may end up turning her into quite a party animal. I know she has it in her, and I’ve seen glimpses in the past, but if she shows (and she BETTER) I expect a 110% effort out of her, this may get scary. She will most likely be seen turning down shots I’m offering her early in the day/night, but to only later on that night have a few herself and offer me shots that I’ll gladly do…
Little Known Fact: She knows more about kids shoe’s than anybody I’ve ever met. She’s shoulder deep in kid’s shoes over at Reebok/Adidas. Also, I don’t think she likes it too much when Randy and I end up out together, but she may have no escape during this trip, she’ll have no choice but to join in….


Anonymous said...

I love what you wrote up. Thanks for the blessing, for whatever it's worth coming from you. You're all in for hell when KJ & Mike get together and drink. I hope you don't expect your deposit back...on either house! -Ang

Mike said...

nice work scott. the write-up motivated me to buy my first "surf with murph" thong. can't wait to rock it.

Anonymous said...

the eliptacle had it coming...i just did not expect it from the treadmill. we used to be TIGHT!

and murph, don't bullshit. you know you yelled at me to grab sister act. i mean i was the one IN the apartment, while you were shouting out orders from the window, arms flailing about. it was very distracting.

KJ said...

The trench cam was a good thought...maybe I'll be able to sneak in the Pack Network crew for the birth of our next child to stream it live over the internet. So, I won't reimburse your money, I'll just give you free admission to that show...you pervert.

Also, great job taking cheap shots at everyone that's going on this trip. I knew there had to be some underlying reason why you'd rent two places in Oahu for your friends and now I know...so you can sh*t on us for the rest of eternity. It's pretty much like you just brokered a deal with the D.A. to have immunity. What a prick.

Brian said...

I am not 7ft tall, but I'll always be able to spot Benny June's large frame a mile away...